Window to Realization

It all started with some dusting, cleaning and packing. Okay, I was aware that I was allergic to dust and that if I overdid it I was bound to sneeze and sneeze till eternity. But, that’s exactly what I did. In spite of that deadly scarf wound around my nose and mouth like some burglar on the prowl I did get affected. And then, there was no stopping me. All that you could hear were sneezes and more sneezes. Whenever someone visited us (and it so co-incidentally happened that many people decided to visit us just then!) I presented a sorry picture of running nose and tears streaming down my cheeks from a whirlpool of moistened eyes puffed up with tears. Someone must have thought that I have been given a real whacking for messing up with someone or something!

The aftermath of the above mentioned state was pretty sickening (pun intended). While the world carried on with its activities, I lay in bed trying hard to appear hale and hearty. Sniffing into a little kerchief when you watch some sentimental programme or movie is something but having to use rolls and rolls of kerchiefs and napkins to keep those unwanted tears from spoiling that make-up is another thing not to leave out that leaky nose. Even the taps in the house were better behaved! And in what a queer fashion my tears seem to work -One eye at a time. So, while one eye was really flooded and all the kaajal wiped out the other eye just stayed dry, happy to just watch and be picture perfect with kaajal intact. It is another thing that that every eye has its day! And the flood spread to the other eye too!

I tried to put up a brave front but then the fever really did me down. There was no use pretending I was superwoman. I was sick. Period. The antibiotics started their job but then, there was no one to fuss over me. And I missed my mother like hell. With more time on my hands I flashbacked to all the times, she took care of me whenever I had the flu. What seemed as natural then became an impossibility now with no mother, no one to hover around me to make me feel better. Now, now. I know, I am no longer a little girl, but we all know that how much ever older we may get, we all remain little girls at heart. I couldn’t even hug my little son for fear of spreading the cold, cough infection to him. With no teddy bear hugs to warm me up, I lay lost in solitude.

There was no use grumbling or regretting now. It was payback time. For all those times I thought that I was strong within and without. For all those times, I mentally displayed my arrogance about being able to manage it all. For all those times I pushed my body to the limit only to prove to myself, my family that I had it in me to do it all. This was it. Meek, lonely and sickly, the bed was my comfort zone and the window to the world my realization mode.

The world carried on while I felt sick about being sick. My sprained neck was no comfort either (something I acquired trying to sit at the computer to distract my thoughts to do some writing). And then, I realized. There was no use existing in denial. I was sick and had to accept it whether I liked it or not. Just like some unhappy or conflicting events that take place in our lives – how we crib and complain, or else worry knowing fully well that all these tantrums will not get rid of the problem. How much more easier would it be if we learnt to just acknowledge and accept a situation instead of fighting and making it worse like I did. I don’t say that we must become mental invalids and give up on any situation. That’s even worse. The moment I realized that by staying calm and letting rest and medicine do the job I would be fine, things became relatively better for me. The world around me did not look selfish doing their work without me. The sun seemed brighter and more energizing everyday and even those days when it drizzled I really could appreciate those drops on the leaves and the smell of rain and mud. I lavished in the jokes that my husband and son cracked for my benefit (earlier, they were just irritating to the core!)

Listening to music, reading whenever I could and remembering and realizing all the little blessings in life that I had taken for granted made me feel better day by day. Better enough to write this piece and share my thoughts with you!


24 responses »

  1. Hi Bhargavi,

    I know. Most of us are like that. Some admit it, some don’t. Some take the initiative to make amends, some don’t.

    I hope to accept my limitations from now on. Let’s see how long I stick to this vow of mine:))

    Thanks for your good wishes!!

  2. Bhargavi says:

    I also sail in the same boat like you, thinking like a super woman..but realisation comes when we get hurt in some form or the other, that we are also aging and need to accept our limitations too.
    Glad to know you are better now.

  3. Ashwathy says:

    Awww…take care and take rest… 🙂
    And next time, try using nasal spray to avoid the allergic sneezing…works for me everytime!

    • Hi Ashwathy. Thanks for checking this piece out and for the suggestion. I am quite vary of nasal sprays. I always get the taste of the medication in my throat when I use them. So, I keep away!!

  4. vimala madon says:

    The bit about each eye having a will of its own and doing its own thing made me laugh aloud. Mean ole me, when I should be feeling sorry for your misery!

    • No no Vimala. That’s what I wanted all of you to do when you read my article. Laugh! Not exactly at my misery but at the narration. That’s the only justice my sickness has brought to this current piece of creativity if I may so call it:)

  5. vimala ramu says:

    Well, though we did not know what you went through during your sick leave, I am sure all of us went through the same when we read your blog. An excellent account of a rather bothersome problem.

  6. deepika says:

    So, one more thing to share,ie. dust allergy.
    Yes usually we treat ourselves as ‘superwoman’. But we forget that body has it’s limitations and we shouldn’t overlook it.
    take care.

  7. Sneha says:

    Well, can understand your stance. Actually, it happens with most of us women…we’re naturally ‘supposed’ to be a SUPERWOMAN, when fact is we can’t. Our imperfections are our individuality, aren’t they?
    Its what distinguishes us as mortals and it is a beautiful thing that you thought of sharing your feelings with all of us.

  8. Sonal Shree says:

    Nice write up and sharing of thoughts. It has rightly been said health is wealth. Take care.

  9. A.Hari says:

    Hi Shail,

    Quite interesting to read. Hope u r fully recovered now.
    Such events remind u the need to take care of your physical well being. My wishes & prayers for speedy recovery.


    • Hi Hari,

      Nice you liked the article. Yes, I am more less back on track.
      Yes, as you rightly said, we must be careful and not push ourselves too much. After all, we are but human.

      Thanks for the good wishes Hari.

  10. Indrani Talukdar says:

    I too am hopeless allergic to dust and fall hopelessly sick whenever I have to deal with. I understand your plight perfectly.

  11. Beyniaz says:

    Nice blog, Shail. I always enviously wonder how most women manage to look elegant blowing their colds into a small handkerchief!

  12. Hi Shernaz. My pleasure! It feels good when friends get together (here, through their articles) and we can have a good read and discussion.

    And thanks for your good wishes all through.

  13. Shernaz says:

    So your illness was the proverbial ‘blessing in disguise’. Glad you are feeling much better and hope will stay well now. Thanks for this bright new season’s lovely treats.

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