A picture clear rests in mind

A memory, far back in time

Of a little boy, all but three

Riding a rick with his family

In a moment, all smiles cry

World black, tumbles high

Was then I feel, it all began

Fear took over, my life ran

Fear isn’t good for life, is it? It makes us think before any risk; yes… maybe it helps in that way. But my life has been run by fear in all the wrong ways. And it all dates back to twenty years back, when that first accident happened. It was that which I believe changed the whole perspective of my world. Granted, I was three, and I had no idea of what the world was, but I grew up in fear of it. Fearing the world, no matter how young it starts, it does peg one back…

Everywhere near us, there is beauty. I see it in nature, from the first blossoming bud of the day to the sun’s last golden rays leaving at sunset, even in the dark, translucent clouds that mask the pristine white moon. Yet I never always saw it like that. I was never born a poet, a philosopher and a thoughtful person. For the first few years of my life, esp. after that accident, I was but a hollow shell of what I am now; ironic perhaps, for it usually happens the other way… people go to a shell of what they were in earlier years. The fear of getting hurt, of getting others near me hurt, it held me back. I didn’t seek to be with friends, fearing that something would happen to family while I was away. I kept engrossed in books. I became that bookworm, studious to the point of extreme, locked away from the world. Being a pampered boy or a teacher’s pet doesn’t help get friends… if anyone says that to you don’t believe them, even if they are your parents.

I feared destiny too. Even finding a way to express the fear didn’t completely take it away. I let myself be pushed into a path which I didn’t love as much. Fate took over, got me to where I am today. Being who I am, it isn’t something I hate. I’m proud of it, but the “What If?” does stay consistently. If I’d followed my heart and let go of the fear of destiny, be led to what might have given me an opportunity at a better life, perhaps I’d be much more happy and successful. Thankfully though, I’ve gone from fearing the company of others to embracing it, and finding joy in it. It’d not be wrong to say I live because of it.

Once fear claws into your mind, its grip is deadly and vice-like. It takes more inspiration and courage to find an outlet to dump that fear out, and embrace the world as it is. Sure there are elements that will hurt you, but that should be like a hurdle in a dash to your destiny, not an iron ball attached to your ankle in a prison, the fear being your life sentence or death penalty. If it has happened, I suggest finding your bail quickly. It took me 7 years to do it, but it came in the form of my most reliable escape route – poetry. Once the hurdle that fears you is jumped, continue journeying at your own pace. Take in your surroundings, for the route is beautiful too. Life maybe a race, but the motive should be to finish it, not finish first. Survival gives as much ecstasy as victory, if not higher. Fear runs with us in life, but how it runs is up to us… let us take full advantage of that, and let us rule fear instead of fear ruling us.

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14 responses »

  1. Dear Vinay,
    Welcome Aboard!
    When I saw your title, it reminded me of a novel (I think they made a movie later) titled, “Fear” – where a convict, by name Calvin Duggai, takes revenge on those who labelled him mad. It is a very interesting story, where the man eat man syndrome is very nicely portrayed.
    It is easy to say tha Fear is mostly in the mind – but only the person whom that imagined fear is real, knows how much he or she suffers from that.
    Some months back, due to the occupational hazard (in my job it was very essential) of handling too many calls on my cellphone, damaged some nerve in my ear (or elsewhere) and I felt I was violently falling to the ground – I experienced fear so much, I held on to the iron cot in the hospital, when I was whirling away till my knuckles were white and hurting – while all the time I was just lying there – the doctor was constantly telling me that I was fine, and that nothing was spinning – but I alone knew how horrible it was.
    This was, a result of handling too many calls on the cellphone which I have since reduced. I experienced the evil effects of having a cellphone!

    You have touched upon a very important topic, which is not understood easily by many, unless they go through it themselves.

    • Vinay says:

      oh.. thanks Prakash for the welcome. My heartfelt apologies in replying to you late, I was caught up in my work and had a torrid March to contend with as well.

      I do not say it is bad, or one should never fear at all. Even now, in my work life, though I can hardly say my work leads to work hazard, I fear something to go wrong. But it’s not right, in my opinion, to let that fear get a strong hold on us and let us suffocate because of it. Experiencing fear is there, we all do it, it is part of life.. but letting a fear rule us I think isn’t right. Experience, and overcome it.. that’s what I think needs to be done!

  2. Geetashree Chatterjee says:

    A hearty welcome. Your article made me think and act upon it. The line that attracted me most was “Survival gives as much ecstasy as victory, if not higher.” Thought provoking….

    • Vinay says:

      oh.. thanks Geetashree for the welcome. My heartfelt apologies in replying to you late, I was caught up in my work and had a torrid March to contend with as well.

      yes, that thought is what makes me battle for survival, and I do find ecstasy in it, sometimes even higher than what I get when I win. maybe the survival is a victory! 🙂

  3. Beyniaz says:

    “There’s nothing to fear but fear itself!”-Franklin D. Roosevelt. Welcome to WriteSpace.

    • Vinay says:

      oh.. thanks Beyniaz for the welcome. My heartfelt apologies in replying to you late, I was caught up in my work and had a torrid March to contend with as well.

      I agree with Roosevelt, fear of fearing is the only fear that should be!

  4. J S Broca says:

    Dear Vinay,a really good read.I believe that the greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.In fact,every man is afraid of something. That’s how you know about someone who is in love with you,when he is afraid of losing you.Here is a tip :The key to change… is to let go of fear.It is also said that : Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.Yet,many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear
    of the future.Dear Vinay,fear of failure must never be a reason not to try something.As someone rightly said :FEAR is an acronym in the English language for “False Evidence Appearing Real ” !!

    J S BROCA
    NEW DELHI

    • Dear Broca, yes, if u want to be successful, the thought should be of how to conquer the test and not worry about results. To let go of fear, is indeed the key.. thank u for reading my article and liking it. Looking forward to reading yours..

      Vinay.
      (I blog as Leo)

  5. Shernaz says:

    I like the very positive, ‘winning’ end to this write-up. Fear will always be there with us. As you’ve rightly said, we should not fear it, rather use it to our advantage by understanding its cause and tackling it with courage.

    • yes, fearing the fear also isn’t right, Shernaz. its cause is to advice us that something good can happen if u move past it. to understand it yields courage 🙂 cheers.

      Vinay.
      (I blog as Leo)

  6. Mira Pawar says:

    Fear is illusory, it cannot live…Courage is eternal, it will not die and I am sure Vinay you believe very strongly about it NOW!! Very interesting read…Thanks for sharing.

    • courage is essential, Mira. fear becomes the road to courage, and yes it cannot live longer once we put the road behind us 🙂 thank u for reading and finding my article interesting..

      Vinay.
      (I blog as Leo)

  7. vimala ramu says:

    There is a saying that the brave die only once but the weak ones die thousand deaths. I wish you a welcome and a BRAVE life.

    • dear Vimala, yes.. that saying is so true. and its not that I feel fearing is weak. sometimes its the road to bravery, but I think it is best if we use it as a stepping stone than a souvenir 🙂 thanks for ur wishes.

      Vinay.
      (I blog as Leo)

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