A picture clear rests in mind
A memory, far back in time
Of a little boy, all but three
Riding a rick with his family
In a moment, all smiles cry
World black, tumbles high
Was then I feel, it all began
Fear took over, my life ran
Fear isn’t good for life, is it? It makes us think before any risk; yes… maybe it helps in that way. But my life has been run by fear in all the wrong ways. And it all dates back to twenty years back, when that first accident happened. It was that which I believe changed the whole perspective of my world. Granted, I was three, and I had no idea of what the world was, but I grew up in fear of it. Fearing the world, no matter how young it starts, it does peg one back…
Everywhere near us, there is beauty. I see it in nature, from the first blossoming bud of the day to the sun’s last golden rays leaving at sunset, even in the dark, translucent clouds that mask the pristine white moon. Yet I never always saw it like that. I was never born a poet, a philosopher and a thoughtful person. For the first few years of my life, esp. after that accident, I was but a hollow shell of what I am now; ironic perhaps, for it usually happens the other way… people go to a shell of what they were in earlier years. The fear of getting hurt, of getting others near me hurt, it held me back. I didn’t seek to be with friends, fearing that something would happen to family while I was away. I kept engrossed in books. I became that bookworm, studious to the point of extreme, locked away from the world. Being a pampered boy or a teacher’s pet doesn’t help get friends… if anyone says that to you don’t believe them, even if they are your parents.
I feared destiny too. Even finding a way to express the fear didn’t completely take it away. I let myself be pushed into a path which I didn’t love as much. Fate took over, got me to where I am today. Being who I am, it isn’t something I hate. I’m proud of it, but the “What If?” does stay consistently. If I’d followed my heart and let go of the fear of destiny, be led to what might have given me an opportunity at a better life, perhaps I’d be much more happy and successful. Thankfully though, I’ve gone from fearing the company of others to embracing it, and finding joy in it. It’d not be wrong to say I live because of it.
Once fear claws into your mind, its grip is deadly and vice-like. It takes more inspiration and courage to find an outlet to dump that fear out, and embrace the world as it is. Sure there are elements that will hurt you, but that should be like a hurdle in a dash to your destiny, not an iron ball attached to your ankle in a prison, the fear being your life sentence or death penalty. If it has happened, I suggest finding your bail quickly. It took me 7 years to do it, but it came in the form of my most reliable escape route – poetry. Once the hurdle that fears you is jumped, continue journeying at your own pace. Take in your surroundings, for the route is beautiful too. Life maybe a race, but the motive should be to finish it, not finish first. Survival gives as much ecstasy as victory, if not higher. Fear runs with us in life, but how it runs is up to us… let us take full advantage of that, and let us rule fear instead of fear ruling us.