(Foreword : For those who have started reading this thinking that this has got something in common with THE BOURNE IDENTITY, beware!  – This is written only for those who suffer from Porn fever on the net, and for those who want to redeem themselves from it. )

Shri Z was a good friend of mine who retired recently from service. He was working in a good post in a reputed organisation and was very contented in life, with a son and a daughter happily settled abroad.  One day, all of a sudden, he rang up and asked for help. He was “lured” into watching porn by some of his retired friends, and now he was “hooked” for good. He knew that it was not good, but he was unable to extricate himself from the clutches of the “PORN MENACE”

Where should he go for help? I told him to go to a psychiatrist.

I thought that that was it, and good riddance and all that. But, a few days later, the telephone rang, and seeing the number, I knew it was “Porn Again” – I took the call, and the “detailed” confessions left me drained – He had not gone to the psychiatrist, as he was “afraid” that his family would come to know.

I knew I had to help him, as he was desperately looking for help. But I did not know where to start.

I started talking about this Porn Menace with some of my friends, acquaintances, and office colleagues – and was quite shocked with the information I got. For once, I was glad that I had NOT caught up with the Jones next door.

Thanks to films, internet, and the mobile explosion, Porn has ventured into INDIAN HOMES today. Yes, INDIAN HOMES. Most of us are not aware of it, or even if we are aware, we are happy pretending to be ignorant as long it does not invade our home. But unfortunately, it has spread so much that many top executives in many organizations, irrespective of their affiliation to Govt, Non Govt, Public or Private or IT, do suffer from this menace – Some of them are battling it in private, as my friend was doing, but most of them have accepted it as part of their lives. Rather than going into the merits and demerits of porn, or whether it is good or bad, I would like to say that porn has it’s own effect on the quality of life of most individuals, and that should be taken as the yardstick to find out whether it is good or bad.

But, but, but, what is wrong with watching Porn?

There are some who advocate that the Indian mindset is not mature enough to handle porn. There are some who advocate that porn should be made freely available. Then there are some who opine that watching or not watching porn is an individual decision, and society cannot have a say in that.

Hearing all these views, I was confused. But my main question was, “how to help my friend who was in dire need of help?”

I then called my friend over phone, and held long discussions with him, trying to find out more information, clues and patterns that may be of some help in zeroing in on the exact course of action to be taken – After a number of such conversations, and also a bit of research, I found out that :-

  • Porn may increase one’s sexual appetite, but it also drains one emotionally.
  • Porn may give rise to voyeuristic tendencies and a change in personality can be noticed in a person who watches porn continuously for a long time.
  • People who watch porn are seldom focused.
  • Even married people take to porn to re-infuse their sexual lives but end up with more demands from either of the partners.
  • Many in URBAN India are currently hooked to porn, but would never admit it. ( I have found some admitting in private that they do watch porn, but maintaining a very different viewpoint altogether in public )
  • Most of the people who get hooked to porn, are silently suffering and are unable to get out of the trap that they have made themselves.
  • And Finally, that by the time they realize that Porn has drained them emotionally, physically and mentally, it is too late in the day to take corrective action.
  • Most of them do not want to ask for help, afraid that their families will know, or that it would be a shame – maybe some organization ( like Alchoholics Anonymous ) might come up with some help for them.

Meanwhile, these are the five things that I told my friend:

  • One has to understand the nature of the mind. The mind is always attracted to the forbidden fruit right from the days of Adam and Eve! – And the nature of mind is such that if it is told NOT to think about something, it will invariably think about it! – Understanding this, one should DIVERT the mind into activities, thoughts, and work that KEEPS the MIND OCCUPIED (Remember the old saying that an idle mind is a devil’s workshop? It is so true) in something else other than what we don’t want the mind to think about – an additional tip is to “lure” the mind into THINKING  that it is getting what it wants without actually GIVING IT WHAT IT WANTS.
  • Doing physical exercise, or Yoga helps in releasing the excess mental energy – physical exercise is the best form of releasing mental energy that can otherwise trouble a person.
  • Getting the understanding that what weakens the mind is not having physical sex – what weakens the mind is having THOUGHTS of sex all the time – “don’t carry sex in your mind” – and porn almost always does this – makes the person carry sex in his/her mind all the time, thereby weakening that person.
  • Re-focussing our perspectives, focusing our thoughts and channelizing our energy towards achieving  more meaningful goals in life.
  • Reading spiritual books – Many books and thoughts of Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Vivekananda, Sri Paramahansa Yogananda, Swami Sivananda, Sri Sri Ravishankar, Sri Mata Amritanandamayi, Sri Jaggi Vasudev, Shri Eknath Easwaran, Leo Buscaglia, and many others  give practical advice on such matters of focusing the mind and attention more meaningfully.

So far my friend has not rung up, and I hope, that he has somehow overcome his problems. And I have shared what I told my friend, in the hope that if by chance someone is out there with similar problems and who is afraid to ask for help, he or she could always benefit from knowing how to deal with this kind of a problem.

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12 responses »

  1. Dear Om,

    A very informative and much needed article for our Indian society. Skeletons closeted harming the owner and his/her close ones. Sad, but this phenomenon persists in our society and not many as you said wish to discuss this.
    I hope to see more discussion on this topic here…..

  2. A.Hari says:

    Great to read such a critical analysis of this sensitive topic. Some of my friends think that ‘You tube’ means only porn stuff, They refuse to believe it has also excellent videos on many other topics. I came to know many people use mobile to watch porn to ensure that no one knows abt it. Many illicit affairs and divorces also result due to this habit. I came to know thro a TV prog that students start exchanging love letters from 4th standard. They also start watching porn at a very young age. Really disturbing to know these things….

    • Thanks, Hari, for visiting and commenting.
      Some of of my friends, rang me up to tell me that they WONT be commenting! – Actually, even though this is a sensitive topic that NEEDs some looking into, not all are willing, as long their boat is not rocked! But apparently, this is the very attitude in society that is ensuring that porn survives… As you rightly said, Hari, this has started affecting society in a much larger way, which is really disturbing.

  3. deepikaamit says:

    A very informative and apt write up.

  4. Beyniaz says:

    Interesting and pertinent subject!

  5. vimalaramu says:

    An informative blog. This reminds me of a familiar story.Two pilgrims set out on pilgrimage.One stopped half way through as he met a very attractive prostitute. The other one proceded and completed the pilgrimage though his mind was on his friend and how he would be enjoying, while the one with the prostitute imagined all the time what his friend would be doing during his pilgrimage. When the time came to ascend to heaven, the one who stayed back with the prostitute was admitted as he had pure thoughts all along and not the other one. Thoughts are all that matter.

  6. gc1963 says:

    An educative article of contemporary relevance written for social as well as individual benefit. Genuine thoughts and feelings have gone into writing this post. A good deed!

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